funny survival tips

Copyright ©2005-2020. But after 24 hours or so, you should have between a cup and a quart of fresh water, depending on conditions. Awesome! But, GLASZ's demolitions expert warns, make sure it's a fire you can contain. A team of four armed shooters can easily clear a room if they all stand against the nearest wall: one body in each corner and two in the middle. 15 of the Most Useful (and Hilarious) Camping Tips. Blair wrote a short story for Carnisnora, his friend's excellent book of animal illustrations, and you can get yourself a copy here. Stop going into the wilderness. As the distance hiked increases, the width of your backpack straps decreases.

If you find yourself trapped in your house, it's best to hightail it up to the attic, which the uncoordinated zombies will have trouble reaching. Unfortunately, no one else was around to appreciate this moment of physical comedy.

May God have mercy on their soul. In 1995, Marine Lance-Corporal Zachary Mayo was wandering around his aircraft carrier when a metal door swung open and comically butt-whacked him into the open ocean.

Think Nana and Pop-Pop's loving 60-year monogamous relationship is quaint and old-fashioned? Sure, there are the official survival book solutions but you’re at a huge disadvantage if you rely too heavily on any single resource. When in doubt, melee weapons are a fine tool against the undead, but think twice before picking up that giant hammer. Simply form two lines of armed persons, one line in front of the other.

If you find yourself stuck without a lighter or matches, it's a good bet that you still have a cellphone -- it is 2017, after all. For those lucky enough to amass a relatively large army of live humans, the Fine Line is the best way to fend off roving zombie hordes. I've long wondered why no one ever turns to spears, or the brutal cousin of the spear, the halberd. Use plate mail or leather to create a bite-proof body suit. A hot enchilada works well too, if you don’t mind the cheese sticking between your toes. On your first day at the campsite, enough dirt will be tracked into the tent that you can grow all the food you need for the rest of the trip in the rows between your sleeping bags! You could put it in your mouth, sure, but many poisonous wild-growing plants look an awful lot like the kind of thing you'd put on the dinner table. If the beam shines out your other ear, do not go solo backpacking. I hope your tips will help ours. Here are 10 practical tips on how to survive an encounter with the walking dead. But after 24 hours or so, you should have between a cup and a quart of fresh water, depending on conditions.

That way, you can relax in your. If faced with no other option, you can place your phone battery on some nice, dry tinder, take a sharp stick, offer a prayer to the patron saint of burn victims, then stab that sucker like it owes you money and you're a maniac who stabs people who owe you money. Bolt action rifles are both powerful and accurate, without the ammunition restrictions of the close-range shotgun.

On this month's live podcast, Jack O'Brien and Cracked staffers Michael Swaim and Teresa Lee welcome Dr. Christopher Ryan, podcaster and author of Sex at Dawn, onto the show for a lively Valentine's Day discussion of love, sex, why our genitals are where they are, and why we're more like chimps and bonobos than you think.

Riot shields also add an extra layer of protection and make the zombie head squishing that much easier. A hundred miles from shore, it seemed Davy Jones' Locker was Mayo's inevitable destination. We hack when necessary. Tragically, the Squad's training zombie, Billy the Hunter, died while the Squad demonstrated this technique. To compensate, the weight of your backpack will increase. You actually want to lay completely flat and violate your bowels. To ensure you'll make it through the zombie apocalypse, heed their simple tips. Chill. Yes, you will look absolutely ridiculous, but you will live with that shame. Using dynamite around the undead is a tricky proposition; the right amount of explosives can blow them to bits, but you might get cremated yourself. Ideally, you have enough time before you starve to death to give this test the scientific rigorousness it warrants, but if time really is short, then you want to give each step between 15 minutes and an hour before you move to the next stage. There's nothing worse than stepping into a room only to be set upon by a horde of brain-hungry zombies. If you find yourself in emergency wilderness survival mode, the elastic band of your underwear makes a perfect slingshot for shooting small game. Don't worry, it tastes much better than your own sweat. I think that was one of the big tactics in WWZ, and I'm sad that that tactic hasn't really broadened out into the rest of zombie media. For example, it apparently doesn't work very well with mushrooms, and experienced survivalists will tell you that you should never eat a wild mushroom no matter what it looks like. When the front line runs out of ammo, the back line steps in while the front line reloads.

If you have the urge to seek revenge against the bear who stole your food, find his/her favorite tree stump, kick it open and eat all the ants. Kevlar gloves (provided to some food industry workers) can be worn as is or refashioned into impenetrable sleeves, allowing you to fend off zombie bites by holding up your forearms. Sudden disaster could strike you at any time. As satisfying as squishing zombie skull may be, swinging the hammer creates a sizable arc that gives zombies plenty of time to nibble at your armpits.

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